Change.

My heart aches tonight. I miss the way things used to be. Things are supposed to change, and I get that. Trust me, the only constant in my life right now is change. There's a change of plans, change of pace, even a change of dreams. 


There's a saying I've heard, and it's "If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans." And that is exactly what I did. I had the next 5 years planned down to a T. Then relationships ended, new ones began, and that's when I realized that change will happen, and I need to embrace it. The more I fight it, the more it seems to happen.


Growing up, I was ALWAYS, always a Daddy's girl. I was always "helping" him. Like how I "helped" him build our swingset and treehouse when I was still an ankle biter, or being right under his feet in the garage. He built me a pretend grill so I could stand next to him when he was grilling for us. We used to watch Hulk Hogan and DDP on WWF, and Bobby and Terry Labonte race. I would go to his office and feel like I ruled the world. My sister, Allison and I used to go out to the warehouse behind the office and play hide and seek. We had a code, in fork-lift honks because it was so loud that we knew we couldn't yell loud enough. I remember this one time that he took me with him on the golf course with one of his friends. Now, at the time, I was probably 6, and this was the best thing ever. It was Dad and his buddy, and me and my dinosaur shaped cookies. If you know anything about me, it's that a.) I'll talk to anyone. b.) I'll talk loudly. c.) I happen to think that golf is one of the most boring things ever. BUT to each his own, and that was Dad's. I remember running out of dinosaur cookies, and that was probably by about hole 5. 13 to go, right? well. I'd had enough. I didn't throw a fit, I just felt it necessary to declare to the world that I was out of cookies. I don't really remember Dad's reaction to this, but I do remember someone telling him that I needed to be quiet. I haven't set foot on a golf course since. Not for golfing purposes anyway. 


With that said, in 2 months, my Father will have been out of my life for the same amount of time he was in it. I was 11 years old when he left. Sixth grade had already proved itself a challenge, and now this was added to it. Up until that point, I'd always pictured my Dad walking me down the aisle when I got married. Now, whether or not he gets an invitation will be the biggest decision that he'll be involved in.


Things happen in life to make you stronger. 


I miss the times that me, Allison, and my cousins Wesley and Callie (and a few short years later, Bradley) had our own town in the upstairs game room. They were living in Bossier at the time, then they moved to Norfolk, VA. Our family is so blessed to be so close, even through the distance. And even through the crazy stuff that happens, we still know that we're there for each other. My older cousins, Marc and Katie (each are now married with beautiful children) and I had the opportunity to sit down and talk this summer at Marc's middle child's birthday party. I wish that we had more moments like that. Even though it was only maybe 20 minutes of un-interrupted time, that has NEVER happened between the three of us. (Especially considering that I used to "style" Marc's hair when he was a teenager and I was a kid, and once I got a round styling brush stuck in Kate's hair.)


It's funny how mature we all get once we get older (note: growing up will never happen)


All during Rad-Tech school, I had these best friends. Kristin, Kevin, and Thomas. We all knew our relationship would change the night we graduated. Kristin and her husband moved to south Louisiana, and Kevin moved home. They both now attend the same school. Thomas and I are still local, but our paths haven't crossed in about a month or so. These 3 people made my life so much better. They've seen me at my best, and more importantly, my worst, and still, for some reason unknown to me, love me. I miss them so much. I'm proud of all of us. 


I miss the way things used to be. I miss the people that would pop me in the head, tell me to get over myself, and walk a little taller with my chin a little higher. 


Change happens. The best thing you or I can do with it is take it and run with it. It isn't always good. It isn't always fun. But, I can assure you, it's supposed to happen.